Life on the fringes of success: “You’re just an extra.”

There comes a time in every artists life when moving back in with the parent(s) is plan A. Plan B for me is volunteering on an organic farm and kissing fame an fortune into the compost or going to Thailand and teaching English. There are no other options.

I’m one of those rare cats that rambles through Central Casting for a re-registration (every two years, compulsory) without much of an inclination for the fame half of the equation. The fortune part is definitely up my alley. If fame comes along, fine. But should my name recognition go platinum I intend to cause more trouble than Snipes going down for tax evasion or Madonna saying ‘fuck’ on Letterman.

So back I am in San Diego. That’s two hours out from LA (speeding). I still do BG work, because I ‘ain’t willing to do BJ work. So up the 5 I go at 3 am a couple of days a week, nap in the car for an hour, then find myself at a mock Toga party on the set of CBS studios.

Needless to say I am not having fun. I’m riding a wild Red Bull and immersed in the most desperate subculture on earth: aspiring actors. All that and on a non-union voucher. That means little money. The best thing to come from the ordeal was the above picture. I like it because it reminds me of Brando as Julius Caesar. Narcissus had nothing on Caesar. Not so sure about the real historical figure though.

No, this is my game so I can surf. I’ll leave the nightlife and the being seen to people who thrive on loud noises while I climb coconut trees and catch waves on a beach that is secluded except for me and a harem of nubililty.

THIS: OR THIS: ?

Since I am nursing an attention deficit sinkhole and a slight autistic growth in my cerebellum, I figure I’ll doggedly persue a career path that is congruent with my best talent (besides taking my shoes off and getting muddy): being over dramatic and brooding.

Sure, there are things more useful to humanity than actors. Trauma surgeons, engineers, and journalists come to mind. But I’ll go ahead and fool myself into an illusion of grandeur that legitimizes my goals. I’ll tell myself, ‘Self, you can really inspire people.’ Still, knowing how to build a house seems a tad more utilitarian than knowing how to do produce something that can be shown on a TV in a house.

Mankind will eventually go to space and while we are in hyper-sleep we will be role playing VR scenarios. Until then, people will want to see good movies, and I hope I can make enough doing so to support my Whole Foods habit.

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About landgabriel

Gabriel Land is an actor, writer, traveler, and adventurer.
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